Twenty Seconds of Insane Courage

I have never been known for taking risks.  I have no desire to jump out of a plane, to swim with some sharks, or whatever other outlandish thing that adrenaline crazy people do.  That is not me and I can say with a good bit of confidence that I will probably never be that person.  I am a planner.   I think through decisions and I have plans for today, tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now and probably even several years from now.  My brother is not that way.  When we were both in college I would ask him about summer plans or what he wanted to do and he would say I have no idea.  He functioned in a day to day lifestyle.  He had no desire to think ahead let alone past the next five minutes.  

One of my favorite movies in the past few years is We Bought a Zoo.  I cry like a big baby every time.  There is something about it that will both Greg and I to tears.  I don’t think either of us understands it.  We know what is about to happen and yet those tears still flow.  There is a quote from that movie that continues to make me think.  Matt Damon’s character Benjamin Mee likes to say that “sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage.  Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery.  And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

Twenty seconds is not that long.  What if that were true?  What if that was all it took?  Maybe.  I remember when I was about to graduate from OBU.  I had my plan, but my plan was not the plan.  The plans that I made were not working out and it was time for a new plan.  I had no idea what that meant and I was terrified.  The Lord very clearly told me to trust, to have faith.  That was a concept that I was not the biggest fan of.  I want to be in control and relinquishing that is absolutely terrifying to someone who likes every second of every day planned out months in advance.  The Lord said it is open Emily.  I have opened the door for you and all you have to do is walk through.  You do not have to decide or to try and figure it out.   You just need to be obedient and trust me.  I remember those words so vividly even today.  The door is open, just walk through.  

I recently started reading Let’s All Be Brave by Annie Downs and low and behold I am not alone.  I am not the only one afraid of the risk.  She says the following, “I can tell you firsthand that the moments of my greatest fears—those times when I was sure I was going to wimp out under the pressure of it all—have also been the open doors to the greatest changes in my life.  So I step out, full of fear, but trusting that God is on the other side in new and wonderful ways.  And so far? He always is.”

Thank you Jesus for opening the door to something that terrified me and something that was not in my plan.  Thank you that the door you opened led me to North Carolina to a life that I could never have imagined.  Thank you for knowing what is better and for going before me.